Friday, February 28, 2014

Channeling My Inner Tooth Fairy

I have no problem admitting that I am a lousy tooth fairy. Now that I have said it, I actually feel better. I can channel my inner Santa Claus and my inner Easter Bunny. But for the life of me, I can’t channel my inner tooth fairy. 

I would like to say that this isn’t totally my fault, but I don’t know. Tyler has lost six teeth so far and has a loose one now, which makes me want to break out in a sweat. He swallowed two of those six teeth. Yes, he is a gifted child and he had to leave notes under his pillow explaining what happened.  As a side note, I refused to check to see if those teeth ever turned up you know where.

I never seem to have a dollar or two around when needed and Tyler asks too many questions about the process that leaves me fumbling for an answer. For example: “Why don’t we leave food for the tooth fairy? Santa gets cookies and the Easter Bunny gets carrots.” I will admit that is a very good question. I tell him that she just isn’t hungry. What I want to say is that she would be over the moon to find a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup under his pillow, as I know for a fact that is her favorite. “What does she do with my teeth?” I tell him that she puts them in a special box. I am sure it would crush him to know they are stuffed in the back of my underwear drawer.

Then there was the time that he lost a tooth while we were having dinner with friends. He placed the tooth in a baggie and gave it to me for safe keeping. Later that night, before putting him to bed, I checked my wallet and as luck would have it, there were no dollars to be found. My husband didn’t have any either. Not to worry, I am resourceful. I snuck into Tyler’s room while he was in the bathroom and took a $1 from his piggy bank. I tucked him in and assured him that the tooth fairy would visit during the night. Then I watched TV in bed waiting for him to fall asleep. But of course, I fell asleep first. You guessed it, an exchange was never made.

The next morning, Tyler came down for breakfast, with sad eyes, holding the baggie with his tooth in it. “Did I do something wrong? She didn’t come.” I fought back the horror I felt and wish I could have taken a picture of my husband’s face. I assured Tyler that he hadn’t done anything wrong and that she probably went to the wrong house. When he left for soccer with his dad and sister, I wrote a note, in disguised handwriting, from the Tooth Fairy. I explained that I had gone to the wrong house and was so sorry to have made him worry. Then I cleverly said for your troubles I am leaving you with an extra $1. Yes, then I went back into the piggy bank and got another $1. Basically, I robbed piggy to pay Tyler twice in less than a 24 hour period. I changed his sheets, left the goods under the pillow and went to Target.

When we all returned home, I told Tyler that while I was changing his sheets, I found something under his pillow. He ran upstairs, found the note and money and ran to show us. He was happy once again. I was about to breathe easy again when he said, "I want to count all my money." I kept a straight face and said not now, lunch time! You see, I hadn’t asked for cash back at Target, which means I hadn’t paid piggy back. Luckily he accepted that answer, keeping the magic of the Tooth Fairy alive.

Now you can see why I am breaking out in sweat thinking about the next tooth.

True confession of the day: I better get my act together before Molly loses her first tooth, or I will be truly busted.

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